Wednesday, August 28, 2024

I Found a Current Post

Photo by SnaggleTooth 2022


 So pretty and polished those surfaces.

Where I reflect on my parents and brother are weathered and the plantings are large now, no adornments allowed. the artist in me hates that. 

In Northern Maine my ancestors have a mountain view and worn out stones, difficult to locate amid all the new ones. Aunt, uncle, fave cousin, Gramps all in the new section. 

I've slacked off the blogging, but at least I can read again. It will come back, my writing. Yay, new Chromebook.

You are always worth reading. Cemeteries can be difficult.

To me the memories of them living and the sound of their voice is a more welcome visit.

I think I will not be planted...


Carmi from Written Inc wrote:   a-moment-in-stormy-cemetery

but that's what my reflection on the subject was...


Having a heck of a time getting used to not being on the phone where caps are automatic... 

Hopefully I will get back here with an image... ugh darn passwords

Can't upload a pic on my new pc, but will from the phone. Ugh again...

Thursday, April 4, 2024

Where have I Been?

 

I am still here, just took a BIG Blogging break. 

I followed my blog link recently posted on fb and to my big surprise found a couple comments! That hasn't happened since I started ESR2... 

That has something to do with the slowdown. Feels a bit unrewarding when no one is even reading your stuff anymore, huh?

Well tax time is a couple weeks away, and I have already wasted many free hours of times over several weeks reading those foolish instructions of worksheets and enter in line 8b the total of  line 7 and 8a... Crap.

I still need to neatly copy my forms (orig ones are scribble forms) and take pics for copies and get them to the Post Office.

No online for me since in 2016, when an entire return amount was stolen out of my bank account the day it went in. Once was enough...

I get to pay on federal this turn, thanks to help from an advocate at the hospital doing my healthcare through the marketplace stuff after I got locked out of my acct on the Library computer. She incorrectly calculated my premium amount due to not counting my Soc.Sec. while working into the MAGI used for it, so form 8962 shows I owe for the months I had insurance. 

TG I am paying the right amount this year (I think). Then I had a penalty state amount for the months I had no insurance. They got me coming and going... 

Then I am limited to the amount they decided you can make with your SocSec pittence until over age 66. 

I just so want that Billion dollar Powerball prize!

I have bought 2 tix. So many problems would melt away, but would be stressed in other ways. Not worried where to live and having space to do art would be the best part. Security and needy folks everywhere would be difficult. 

Plus, I realize I am too old now to revisit most of my old dream things to do. I might try though. I bet I would get super busy with all kinds of projects going on. None of them would include restaurant or food work. 

I need to quit work so bad. For sanity.

Would be nice to go out rich and sane... 

Dream on ... Maybe do a film or 2, a game or 2... A blog or 10... Music, Recordings , the backlog is huge in my head. 

Oh yes, and have a nice Solar Eclipse this Monday, while I am working a job from Hell in a restaurants kitchen and watching it after work on fb and the news...

Monday, October 9, 2023

Processing










People are the scariest monsters.

Almost Halloween time now, time for horror stories. Even real ones.


Sometimes I feel like I am living an episode of The Twilight Zone with Rod Sterling... 

Funny, that show was born very close to when I was. But I am too paranoid to publicly give out my bday. 


PTSD doesn't allow me to quickly react and process the way other people do. So here I am days later after a scary incident with a human monster,  still slowly reacting and trying to get over it. 


I have always been independent and self-sufficient, always trying to do things myself before ever mentioning I may need assistance. Always I have given things the old college try...


Sometimes I wish I had a "licensed to  carry" gun, but yet I really don't ever want to shoot someone. This doesn't mean they don't deserve it.


The past year I have been working at a local Burger joint, doing kitchen related stuff for low pay. I tried being retired for a few months, until inflation sucked away all my savings, and I knew social security would never be enough to survive on.


Bad enough, there is a limit to how much I can earn because I am not 66 years old yet, or they take it back! 

Until I am and the limit no longer applies, getting by on so little will be a huge challenge. 


Last spring, this really big and tall dude named *X was hired where I work, and we did not hit it off. I kept trying to tell him the proper, corporate proceedures we were supposed to follow making food, he would not follow them. Finally he yelled at me not to speak at all to him. His problem, ok.


About a week later, he quit and went back to a convenience store he previously worked for after the managers were changed. I had applied there before the burger place, so I knew about that manager switch. I bet he had it out with the old manager, a woman.


More money per hour, plus weekly versus bi-weekly checks, won me over to the restaurant job. Plus, it is only one bus ride away, and I could work daytime and get there and home on the bus by myself. Until last Friday, anyway. 


My maternal Grandmother had French ancestry, and was a petite 4' 10" tall. Out of everyone in my immediate family I managed to get the genetic recessive "short" genes. Usually I measure about 5' 1". Everyone else is taller. 


Apparently this big, tall (6'2") dude I had worked with and attempted, unsuccessfully to train had an army background of some sort. He is big tall, loud, and intimidating to me. He was always observed to be chummy with guys, and not to females at work and on the bus. 


Yes, he would take the same bus route as me, and lives in the residential development adjacent to mine. 

Neither of us has a vehicle. There is a new apartment complex being built now right behind where I live. That means, he could cut through that new place, and be right here in very few minutes by foot. 


I'm uncertain if he knows exactly where I live, I try not to be obvious to other bus passengers when I get out. I have been previously stalked many years ago, and abused, which has helped developed my PTSD problems.


Recently, I have developed very high blood pressure when stressed. 

I had cataract surgery a few years ago, and my BP spiked to 230 over 160. Luckily, I didn't have a stroke. 

Sometimes I feel that could happen when I can't react and get very stressed out. Other people are clueless to what they do to me sometimes. High BP definitely was a problem Friday, as I don't outwardly react to what is going on.


The workplace has had problems getting employees to work and close nights, so offered higher pay for that and being in management. The sign about it out front had "X" apply for and quickly get that position, about a week ago. After a few nights, other employees started with complaints about him already.


My shift was earlier than that, so outside of a few rides on the same bus, I had little interaction with "X".

I had tried to just be polite to him as he played best chums with the male driver. 


At work, he left a big grease mess he was supposed to clean, being paid more. I refused to clean it, not my job. I am not maintenance. The mess  stayed there all week-end, tying up other equipment needed for something else, according to the company rules. Everything there has a specific purpose, he used the wrong container. 


When he returned after the week-end "X" still didn't clean it, and got in other trouble. He said a bunch of stuff to other workers, was seen cooking food incorrectly, and had other complaints from co-workers. 


He had a meeting with the head manager, and I was told he quit when I got to work. I was also informed that during those "civil behavior" bus rides "X" said he had been giving me the finger to the other passengers the whole way. So much for my trying to be nice to him.


Learning he'd done that really steamed me. I was done being nice to him. WTH! So yay, I no longer needed to worry about working with him. Next day on the bus, the chummy driver guy said was I "looking forward to working with "X"?"


I honestly answered, " I don't have to, he quit!"  And something about "X" probably not being on the bus for work later. Yes, I was happy not to have to see him at work. This convo with the bus guy came back to haunt me later.


Jump ahead a couple days and it is Friday, payday. 

I'd wanted to attend a funeral for someone who lived here, but decided I could not afford to take off work. Also I needed my check money ASAP. I wish I had taken the day off, because I could have avoided running into "X" after work. 


He had been there out front and gotten his paycheck when I was busy in the kitchen working. I was unaware he had been there. When I got out of work I hurried across the road and through the parking lots that lead to the bus stop. 


I was two stores away down the plaza strip and could hear someone screaming and yelling near the buses. How I wish now I'd thought to get out my cellphone and record. I'd never expected what was going to happen.


As I got near the bus area, I realized it was "X", and he was screaming at me! In a rage-filled, fist shaking tirade he yelled something about (sic) how I had ran my mouth off and caused all his problems, it was all my fault, not to even dare get on the bus, and he was going to make me sorry, ect. And maybe some other stuff I have no clue about what it was. 


All I responded back was , "But it's okay for you to give me the finger all the way on the bus," something I had  learned because he had run his mouth off about me, that hypocrite!


I just know after that he was super loud, doing this in front of everyone at the market, and I was unaware if I  did anything wrong against him. 


1 minute to bus leaving time he was already in the bus, screaming on and on. I went to go in to put fare in the box, and he was right in front of me, blocking my way in, yelling loudly that I would be sorry if I got in this bus ...(and I already was sorry he was hurting my ears and giving me a head ache and horrible anxiety).


The bus driver made no move to help me in any way. Disagreeable to other passenger people are supposed to be kicked off the bus. There are signs posted in there about it. I felt so much pressure from that big, scary, loud, out of control man.


I could stand his noise no more. So I said, "You know what?" And I got off the bus. Then I called some people to tell them what happened, and the bus company about being threatened off the bus. Hopefully they have the video from that inside the bus part. 


Then the bus left, giving mad "X" a ride and screwing me over. 


Luckily on weekdays there is another company's bus that goes to my area, a half hour later, but then I have to walk further. Had it been Saturday, no other bus, I would be stuck 7 miles from home and have to walk in the dark. 


So it wasted my free time, and really upset me. Now I feel super defensive and hyper-vigilant. Makes me not want to go on the bus again. When I get asked a direct question I am not going to lie. Why should I? 


Why should a senior citizen woman have to worry about being attacked by crazy, enraged, large people on the bus and not get the ride? 

What happened to "X's" job was totally his fault. There is more to it I could have told about... 


I figure that the bus driver must have said something about that I had told him "X" quit, and that was what "running my mouth off" referred to. 

I don't blame the driver for being afraid to kick "X" off the bus, he is much bigger than the driver. But the cops should have been summoned. The driver was on the last run for his day, the driver wanted to get finished. But yes, he screwed me over, and I won't forget it. 


I hope "X" is banned from the bus and that plaza. If not,  I may need to get a restraining order on him which I now have no money for. 


I told the boss at work what this guy did. He just threw up his hands and said this is not the company's problem. He advised me to call the police. I know if I do that, I need to expect retaliation. I have been down this crazy, abusive path before. It is not my first rodeo. 


...

Still processing... 

I want to say to him:


How scary do you think you are?

How long has your hobby been scaring and threatening old ladies?

You are impeding my ability to get back and forth from work, to pay rent, and survive. 

Does the punishment you dished out match the supposed offense against you? 

Were you really drunk? 

Are you a paranoid schizophrenic? 

Do you have a mood disorder?

Why do you hate females?

What should I do to you so I can survive?

..........................

The next time I "shoot my mouth off," I will tell the whole story.


That "X" lost his job for many reasons. Not only did he not properly cook food, he removed his hat and company shirt, and worked in the kitchen wearing a sleeveless, white A-teeshirt, (All against company policy). 

He was observed by co-workers  getting drunk at work. 

He was accused of touching 2 co-workers! 

Is he a sex offender? 


Who would want someone like this to be in charge of your kids? 

Who needs all this crap after having a day from hell at work? I do not!

Any next time I will be recording... 

I need to get to work and home again  tomorrow.


Still processing... 

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Still May Post

Photo by SnaggleTooth
 

Happy Memorial Day!

Salute all veterans who sacrificed the life they had plus the life they would have had in order that we do not live under tyranny of a dictatorship in this country. 

Life around here has not been as free as in the past. So many regulations and mandates from the Pandemic of 2020.

So many changed opinions and lives. Karen infiltrations into all we want to do at work and home. Seems our society has backtracked quite a bit into freedoms we have had. Now no matter how hard we work, it is not enough to pay all the bills as the cost gets passed onto consumers at every turn, and we pay bureaucracy too much for less service. 

Took 6 months to get a real person at the ss office for an appt. Such slowed down stuff getting done. American dream of owning a home after working hard way out of reach. Reproduction rights yanked away from victims who need it. Puppies locked in hot cars have more rights than humans here sometimes...

But still, it could be way worse. As long as I don't have to sit in my room for another entire vaca week. I am ready to be free-er. Still, I remain hyper-vigilant.                          

Tuesday, April 4, 2023

Odd Thgs

Photo and Artwork by SnaggleTooth March 2023

40 odd things about me . . . 

Play along! If u wanna.

I abbr alot, that's odd.

I like reading them when bored!

...,........................................

1. Do you put ketchup on hot dogs? Yes, with bread, mustard, relish and baked beans

2. Choice of soda? Had to quit. I like drinx Ginger Lime when I find it.

3. Do you own a gun? I have a whole collection of water pistols. Be afraid... 

When I get rich, a nice little 9mm will do. I am good at video shooting.

4. Can you swim? Like a fish underwater since 18 mos old! 

5. Hot dogs or cheeseburger? Just the burger, with bacon, onions, and green peppers please.

6. Favorite type of food? Edible, but fresh watermelon is preferred 

7. Do you believe in ghosts? There are spirits everywhere. Stop following me! 

8. What do you drink in the morning?  Red Rose black tea

9. Can you do 100 push ups? Not today, but used to do 12 before I mangled my wrist in '85.

10. Favorite time of year? All of it

11. Your favorite hobby?  Artistic accidental discoveries of any kind

12. Tattoos? Allergic to metal in needles, just say none.

13. Do you wear glasses? For reading teeny text only. Used to need thick ones.

14. Do you have a phobia? Things I am allergic to that can't be avoided 

15. Do you have a nick name? Ev 

16. Three favorite types of drinks? Peach tea, cranberry, Kahlua 

18. Rain or snow? Hurricanes and blizzards are fun to walk to work in...

What I hate is slushy road splash from vehicles!

19. Can you change a tire? Yup, with a hand jack and tire iron

20. Favorite flower? Purple and pink super petunias

21. Can you drive a stick? Yes, thanks Ruthie! 

22. Ever gone skydiving? No. But Ziplined last year. Cheaper

23. Kids? Mine, theirs, and adopted many others. 

24. Favorite color? All of them, but especially tertiary purple and green juxtaposed

25. Employed? Yes

26. Can you whistle? Only with an Irish tin whistle, need a new one

27. Favorite vacation? Last year's Pokinos trip was the first vaca trip away without a funeral attached. I love visiting family and friends.

28. Siblings? Had 5 down to 3

29. Surgeries? My eyes in 2020, and now they are 2020.

30. Shower or bath? Shower, but miss the claw foot tub soaks.

31. Last song you listened to?  

Katrina and the Waves- Walking on Sunshine

Shared by Paul Geoffrion , cheers me up everytime I hear it

32. Broken bones? Fingers, toes

33. How many TVs in your house? 2 small,  one stored in closet

35. Do you like to sing? I used to sing more than now

36. Are your parents still alive? None, Dad and Gramps 32 years ago, Mom 23 years ago. 

38. What do you enjoy binge watching? Film series like Star Wars, LOR, Marvel, Xmen, Star Trek, Back to the Future All seen many times

Tv -Outlander, Greys Anatomy, NCIS New Orleans with Scott Bakulla on late nights not in binge habit.

39. Pumpkin or Pecan Pie? CranApple!

40. Someone who would play? 

Bored folks

Sunday, March 19, 2023

Taxing Times

 

Photo by SnaggleTooth March 19, 2023

I recently commented this on G.B. Miller's post about procrastinating doing taxes... :

I used to play Taxman on the guitar,  but I shouldn't waste time trying to remember now, cause I have to read all those tax instructions and get it done myself!  Plus, what happens to retirement ss with working too (for) taxes next year...? Still need to figure it out, and then what happens with MA HC premium help from Commonwealth Care after I sign up to not pay a penalty for the full price of a private plan. What a twisted set of instructions I read.. 

And so blogging is procrastinated due to tax time, just a few weeks left...



Wednesday, February 1, 2023

Groundhog Day




This day always reminds me of my brother Donald. He passed away from Cancer in late 2018. 

Back in 2000 when I was staying in the city to care for my Mother at the end of her life, Don would pop in every morning to say "Hi", Sometimes bring coffee and donuts, always mentioned "It's GroundHog Day." referring to the film with Bill Murray, and go about his workday. Apparently when my Dad was ill on the way out, ten years earlier, Don had likened the experience of repeating the same day over and over like in the movie. of course finally getting what to do correct would mean life was over.

Sadly, he went through the same thing, a  losing to cancer ending. And just a few days ago, his brother-in-law, family friend since grade school, same age Don got to, did the same thing. 

Last night I had a vivid dream, in bright colors, including Don for the first time since he has been gone. We were going to buildings in a Newton like place, knocking on doors. It felt like upper Walnut St. but full of buildings like West Newton Square. Of course, he is buried on upper Walnut St. 

He knocked on a door of someone I did not know, an old friend of his, yelled and argued with him until he let us in. we walked through the place out the back door, and observed a woman, I took to be this guy's wife, in the back yard, playing with things that looked like fluffy, bright pink, pinecones, some single and some in bunches. So bright and vivid! I had never seen things like this before, and I took photos of them. 

Then Don took off and I tried to go after him, through colorful rooms, hallways, and doors, but had no clue where he had gone.

After awhile I came to a huge, round, funnel shaped slide, and rode down and through it (Weeeeeee--!) Until it became small and I popped out the end of it, and woke up, remembering all the pretty color.

............................................
Here are some dream definitions from petrix.com:

Door:
Access. Ready to enter or something to keep private. Happiness and long life

Hall:
Access. Privacy. Trying to find a connection with someone or something.

Pink:
Associated with tenderness and love. You can expect interesting developments in relations with opposite sex.
 
Orange:
The color orange in dreams indicates passion in every aspect of your life.

Purple:
Great aspirations and understanding of visible and invisible realms. Take advantage of your creativity.

Photograph:
Image. Record. Past. The way you see the world.
......................................................

Not sure what it really means, but running through old home town with my brother Don felt fun. I have missed hanging out with him. 
Not a thing like GroundHog Day...

I Found a Current Post

 So pretty and polished those surfaces. Where I reflect on my parents and brother are weathered and the plantings are large now, no adornmen...