Tanx

The food was prepared for days, weeks ahead if you count the shopping. I don't have a car now and all those elements must be carried. Someday I hope to be thankful for a car again. I really miss my Little Truck, and the funds to get another one.

I hope to be thankful for hitting a lottery jackpot soon. A new place to live where I am not fighting for a turn in the bathroom in my old age would be great. Living is getting so expensive, and my funds are not stretching far enough.  

Normally I would be thankful for all my blog readers, but I have to settle to only having one, once in a blue moon. Better than none, but really is this worth the effort?  I am thankful to have a new laptop I can barely operate, wasting hours trying to do a simple thing like keying in text without it deciding to insert itself into the front of the sentence instead of completing the word I am doing. I don't know why it is doing that. 

Moving from Chrome on a Chromebook to Win10 on ThinkPad has made all I was doing obsolete. Truely, I detest Windows 10 OS! But hey, at least I have one! 

Decidedly I'm not as grateful as before. I need to find a new job, easier to get to even if paid less. The old one not only became psychologically unbearable, but I was out 12 to 14 hours per day only getting paid for 8 or fewer hours. What a big waste of time due to the bus situation through the pandemic on a Saturday schedule, even though only 5 miles away. To be there by 4pm leaving at 12:45pm, returning home via delivery truck about 2 am. I got too chronically fatigued to keep it up.

Sleep always suffered every time something else had to get done, each thing was a missed day of sleep while working nights. Town buses quit going to my section of town by 4 pm, so to shop on Day Off I still had to not sleep or miss the ride home.

No one at home will respect my sleep time, and I am punished even more with loud noise for disturbing them. Home has me hiding in my room so others do not ruin my mood for the day. I don't do things like other people, and they don't get it, that they are upsetting to me. Makes me not want to play guitar or draw pictures. Makes me grumpy and not inspired, only pissed off. 

I would like to get back to who I am, not so unhappy. Now during the turkey holiday, I went off my low carb, no gluten diet for a couple days, and suddenly feel terrible, having caught a cold, despite mostly wearing a mask all night. Dinner got done super late. Then the pies got put out and we got quickly stuffed, then went home about 11:30pm. I have felt exhausted ever since. Big sugar crash. 

No one ever got to say what they are grateful for, and my list is decidedly short. I am still alive, able to see and read again, and have a roof over my head. I got some food to take home, and will be okay for a little while. Everything else needs work... but is do-able. I have not lost hope...

Fair Weather Friends

For years online it seemed I had a good friend, who used to also phone call and chat with me often. It was great to have some company on the phone, especially since I was feeling so isolated, stuck in this one room since I moved, and when the pandemic started cutting off all outside interaction. 

I had started doing Facebook in 2017, however, and at least got to reconnect there with some youth-time peeps I was missing, and great school comrades. They will always be my friends no matter what. We all have similar beliefs and come from similar circumstances.

 When this online buddy would call, I'd drop everything to spend that time with them. I was a good listener, and allowed alot of opinions I did not actually agree with to go with my points un-argued, or tried to agree to disagree. They did always think their opinion was the only correct one.

Through my parents and Parochial school, I was raised to be tolerant of all different culture ethnicities and religions. I was taught diversity was an asset to finding solutions, and found many friends from other ethnicities to be wonderful people. Also I accept people who have different sexual orientation. Everyone is an equality deserving unique person to me.

So many things this friend person expressed about others were not taken well by me, that if I were actual in person hanging out with them, would have caused me to break off that friendship. But I kept an open mind, that this person needed someone to hear what they said validated, and had little other emotional support. Also they had found out a life-altering medical problem.

Add on top of all that some deeply emotional political viewpoints supporting many conspiracy theories. Oh yes, every story needs to be pulled apart and disproven with online sources at our fingertips. Kennedy's assassin was not who they said, men faked that moon landing scene on a stage set, and Jewish bankers were responsible for the 911 crashes and the towers tumbling down were from demolition bomb charges to collect insurance funds. 

I have a cousin with similar views, like JFK Jr is still alive...

But I disagree about the moon thing. And definitely do not think Jewish, Black, Indigenous, or homosexuals deserve to not be treated as equals, or spoken badly about as a group. This guy thought the white man race and place he was born into was better. I broke up with guys over the type of things this one would say.

 Also he was old-fashioned about women's place in society, and gender roles. Females should be subservient. It so happens I have been a tomboy libber doing men stuff my whole life, and being underpaid for it to boot. 

Point being that I listened to all this high and mighty BS and disagreed with it all, but allowed the person their opinion for many years, while mine was not even considered. Friendship is supposed to be a give and take situation, and I did my part by listening. When I got to a point where I was having problems dealing with people who live here, really needed to tell someone, he didn't want to hear about anything that was troubling me. The call was over. 

Then he didn't want to call anymore, and hasn't. So after all the caring about his problems and struggles, he couldn't listen to one of  mine at a very low point I got to. I have no idea how he is doing, and guess I shouldn't even care. Of course to him, only his issues matter. he can't be bothered to listen or help about mine. Better to just disconnect and stop being a friend who really knows you. 

Well if you are reading me old, one-way friend, I disagree with what you think about politics, different types of people, women, and what you think friends are for.

 I should have ditched you way back there...